Am I ambitious enough for this high stakes world? I’m not really sure. I definitely still have many things to accomplish, many things to prove. I feel as if my message hasn’t quite gotten out there yet, is still circling around in a current or acting as a boomerang, always coming straight back to me with a return address as if they aren’t interested. I hate those thoughts that say I can’t do something, that I’m crazy for even thinking I can.
That’s the problem I have right now with wanting to achieve something much greater than myself, that I have to go to such great lengths to do it, have to enter quite a few scary situations, do a few crazy things to realize I can. Living in a small town is difficult for the dreamer because you don’t often have access to the people that will help you get over the barrier, you’ll often be faced with derision and feelings of hopelessness. There are many people around me that are negative about life, that have never realized their full capabilities. They are scared. Scared of change. They might as well become a product of the system than do anything differently. There are two sides to my family – the people that that took the road to a happy, fulfilling life of wealth and success, and the people that took the simpler path to a more average life that doesn’t have much in the way of prospects, is full of dead ends, but they are happy anyway.
I’m tired of wanting to shut myself away from the world. I want to shine, but it’s always painful to come out of my comfort zone. Over the past few years I’ve been working to find a place where I am most comfortable, which has always seemed to be in a space where I am alone, but not too alone as to elicit depressive thoughts. Too much social contact tends to drain my batteries and I need to be alone to recharge.
I hear it all the time: you have to be persistent, you have to keep working hard, you have to make them believe in you. There is always one more mile to go to making yourself better. Having an ambition means committing your life to accomplishing goals and knocking down barriers that are in your way. And the more people you meet and follow that have the same kind of dreams as you do, the more you realize they aren’t so crazy and ridiculous after all.
It’s been a great two day holiday in Wisconsin with Liz, Shaun, and Jace, but it’s time to go home now, back to normalcy, back to my usual 300 something day lifestyle. The cheese that is made right here in Wisconsin on the many farms simply out bests “regular” cheese by big name brands.
With over four hours of Christmas music playing on YouTube that was projected via HDMI on the television, the lot of us opened up gifts and played some Apples to Apples (an updated version). Ate at the rustic Texas Roadhouse for dinner beforehand (where it is normal to drop your cracked peanut shells on the floor). I ordered a sirloin steak and grilled shrimp combo with Caesar Salad and mashed potatoes on the side, along with a frothy white margarita with a lime wedge on the edge.
I’m on the Amtrak train now heading due northeast towards Michigan, this time sitting in the seat that is in the opposite direction the train is moving. It’s a peaceful journey through the Midwest, the choo choo sound of the train’s engine a great reminder of how trains are still a classic way to travel. The view outside my window is all dark now with the occasional train racing past in the opposite direction that my train is going. The air is cool in the compartment and the car gently rattles on the track. Riding the train has become one of my favorite ways to travel now, obliterating my idea that the travel method was all but obsolete compared to faster ways.
There are 19 days left until Christmas and then all of this holiday bonanza and anticipation simply vanishes, the down spiraling crescendo often anticlimactic and underwhelming to say the least.
The Girl on the Train so far has been a thrilling read. It usually takes me more than a couple weeks to read a book with more than 300 pages and of this caliber. I’m a slow reader and like to take in the details and make sure I understand what I’m reading, creating the images in my mind of the characters, their actions, and the environment.
Here’s a passage from this great book:
I’m not quite sure what is going on in the story just yet as there doesn’t seem to be much reasoning behind the plot. A girl named Megan gets kidnapped and then Rachel known as “the girl on the train” spends the next couple chapters trying to find her, intertwined between stories of her affairs with a doctor and her drinking episodes. I’m about 100 pages from the conclusion to this bestselling novel that is now a movie. As with the last 100 pages of many thrilling mystery novels, I expect to get excited and anticipated about turning pages and seeing what will happen next.
For #NaNoPlobano2016 Day 29. No, I haven’t posted every day in November as this challenge calls for but have decided that I should at least try to see what this is all about.
Books are still a major part of our culture and will not die as long there is always a new generation of writers and authors bubbling on the horizon. I’m not exactly a bookworm but I enjoy a good read every once in a while when my mind is clear enough to comprehend and concentrate on the words.
They may say the bird is the word but that’s not the case this year.
The title says it all.
This Thanksgiving, my family is ditching the bird because of being so tired of eating turkey and feeling full afterward, not being able to eat another bite. That dry meat doesn’t exactly go down well even with gravy.
Which is why this Thanksgiving, me and the rest are going a different way:
The German Way: Ertedankfest.
There will be a couple of foods native to German culture:
German potato salad, German bratwurst (which is a redundant saying because all bratwursts are German), some Heineken beer (a German lager), sauerkraut, and pasta salad (okay, that’s not German, it’s Italian, but close enough (Italy is just underneath Germany on the map).
This is always an anticipated holiday, even if the family is slowly getting smaller (and less enthusiastic about it). Football is the centerpiece of the day, with the annual Detroit Lions Thanksgiving Day game always a national spectacle. The Lions play the Vikings this year, a rarity on this day. They largely take control of the division if they win but slip to second if they lose.
We had a pre-Thanksgiving last night that consisted of turkey, cranberry sauce, rolls, deviled eggs, and stuffing. Pretty light and easy to put away.
1. You take way too many selfies
2. Constantly checking your Facebook posts for likes and comments
3. You get depressed when you don’t receive any attention on the latest selfie you uploaded to Facebook, Instagram, etc.
4. You expect admiration from others in order to feel better.
5. You have no empathy for others, no feeling
6. No shame for your actions
7. You see yourself as perfect, creating an illusion
8. Very arrogant and boastful
9. Envious of others successes and attributes, you want to put others down
10. Can’t see the world from someone else’s perspective