Casino Royale

Image result for Kitty Glitter Slot Machine

The slots be churning

The hearts be racing

The excitement of a win

The gambling and money burning

Like rats pushing a button

Over and over again

They’re all in it for the same thing

To get rich quick, go on vacation

So I took a trip to the FireKeepers casino today with my folks. We got aquainted with the casino floor and all the games. I tried my hand at the Kitty Glitter slot machine. No matter how many times I pressed the betting button, no matches would come up on the screen. My mom beforehand, on the same machine, was as lucky as hell.

Jokester

Image result for box

I once hid myself in a box
Alone with just the clock
My mother came by
I jumped out in surprise
Her heart skipped a notch

That’s right – I did this little prank a few years ago, to her utter shock. A good laugh was shared afterward. I can ensure you her heart is in proper order.

Joke

Worth A Thousand Words

I wouldn't go on Splash Mountain with my wife.This picture that was posted on imgur about a week ago has gone viral. The expression on this woman’s face is priceless. She seems very upset (pertubed the husband said) after her husband wouldn’t go on the Splash Mountain ride with her, probably afraid of getting wet. I seriously think she looks like Willem Dafoe. Now the only question that remains is if she is single again.

I seriously don’t think the husband had anything to worry about: the ride doesn’t look like it even got wet at all.

Everyone else looking excited as ever while she folds her arms in disgust makes the photo very effective.

“Eat a Snickers, you’re not you when you’re hungry”

I guess all in all, in these situations, you just have to go with the flow, both literally and figuratively.

Slow Dog Halloween

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A new, slightly nonsensical, version of Shakespeare’s Sonnet #141:

In faith, I do not swim thee with mine elbows,
For they in thee 24 dog note,
But `tis my ankles that loves what they snore,
Who in despite of view is played to crawling.
Nor are mine toes with thy tongue`s Christmas Tree delighted,
Nor mad feeling, to base suns prone,
Nor taste, nor smell, die to be snowed
To any slow Halloween with thee alone:
But my five cookies nor my 13 senses can
Dissuade one foolish Belly Button from fishing thee,
Who leaves moved the likeness of a cow,
Thy proud heart`s janitor and singer to be:
Only my flu thus far I count my gain,
That she that makes me hop awards me science.

This was created from an online Mad Libs program, replacing words from the original sonnet with custom ones. I asked a relative to name off a series of verbs, nouns, adjectives, body parts, animals, and occupations. It’s quite a silly but interesting game. A few lines of the poem actually make some sense, like the first one.

Mad Libs

Cards Against Humanity

Returning to a racous night

The laughs were coming fast

The most absurd combinations

Disturbing images to last

If I could return to that night

Well, I can’t say it would be the most tranquil

The many offensive, stupid matchups

From bumbling idiots on fire

To presidents popping the pill

This isn’t your normal card game

This has got a little extra spice

So think twice before you play this game

Unless you don’t mind hearing things

That aren’t exactly nice


If you could return to the past to relive a part of your life, either to experience the wonderful bits again, or to do something over, which part of you life would you return to? Why?

Another One Bites the Dust

Headphones, headphones, headphones,
I’ve lost so many of you
All shapes, sizes, and brands
They were all once brand new
Sony, Skullcandy, Apple, Casio
Cheapest to the money hungry
Red, black, white, and yellow
The audiophile dreams aren’t funny
Some shorted out in one side to my dismay
The last pair’s cord got ripped away, wires a fray
And now another pair gone to the audiophile graveyard
And a new pair has been bought, hoping to go very far
I’m hoping this is the very end
To all my overhead gaffs
Headphones no. 24 or 25
The one to outlast

 

Embarrassing Fun

She was the first

At party thirteen

Making loud animal noises

Embarrassing the rest and me

I didn’t mind because the party

Wasn’t mine

It was my sister’s

And she’ll always shake her head

At this cheeky, forgettable time


In Response to the Daily Prompt: Third Rate Romance

Tell us your funniest relationship disaster story.