I wished I would have taken a class on how to draw. Maybe I still can. I can say that I am only good at doodling and drawing random sketches. I’ve always wanted to draw characters like on The Simpsons.
What’s your favorite comic figure and why?
I don’t really read comics but I would say that my favorite is Batman just because he’s the only superhero that doesn’t have any actual superpowers but relies on his smarts and wit, like I do…because I’m Batman.
Name something you wish you could like.
Tell me about your first crush / first date / first kiss.
My first crush was one of unrequited love. No matter how hard I tried to get her attention she just wouldn’t notice me. Now my first kiss reminded me of Doritos.
Who was your best friend when you were 10?
I had about three good friends that I invited to my birthday party once. Out of those three friends, one of them I used to constantly chase on the playground.
What sign are you? Do you believe in astrology?
Well, I was once a Virgo but after NASA recently changed the signs of the Zodiac, adding a 13th to appropriately match the number of constellations in the sky, I am now a Leo. But after reading another article, I found this was just a misunderstanding. NASA didn’t change the signs, they just did the math and found the Babylonians got it all wrong 3,000 years ago, publishing their findings in a blog post. I don’t really believe in astrology but think it is a fascinating topic to explore.
Yesterday you invented a new astrological sign. Today, write your own horoscope — for the past month (in other words, as if you’d written it October 1st).
The Bug, the Silence, and the Comfort spoke to me about my October destiny as I was sitting down at the little tea table in the dark and dusty wine cellar. The guardian of the 13th Zodiac, sitting opposite me and wearing rich robes of deep scarlet, gazed into a crystal ball and foretold my apparent future.
“Tabbybug sees new pathways in your future. You will expand your horizons this fair October”, he said in a mysterious drawl, with a bit of a French accent.
I shifted in my seat excitedly; this was good news!
More revelations were revealed as the guardian seemed to magically shift the white smoke to and fro without actually touching the glass.
“On October 1, a new beginning will offer another chance to shine at something that you love, to break free from the shadows of mediocrity and be heard for miles around. Around October 15, there will be a growing comfort in yourself and you will start to feel your interests going towards something good. Tabbybug predicts a large community gathering around you, sharing similar interests and aiming for new go —
“Ah”, I responded, “That sounds like WordPress —
“Do not interrupt Tabbybug while he tries to excruciatingly concentrate on predicting pointless events in your future!”
“Sorry, sir. Come again? Did you say pointless?”
But there was a sudden grey clouding of the sphere.
“Oh dear…there will be a time when good luck will fall out and you will be left feeling alone and vulnerable. You will soon realize, around October 20, that your skills are not quite refined and cannot run with the veteran pack. Old Tabby sees your normal routines continuing on as usual, but there will be a desperate need to escape the everyday clutches of mundane tasks and explore the wild blue yonder.”
“Great, are we done yet?”, I said impatiently, getting up to leave.
“Hold on, young wise one! Tabbybug sees you longing for the love and companionship of another living thing, not necessarily a person, on the 29th of October. On that same day, your future self will be incessantly calling, waiting for you to answer his call and either follow or not follow the tattered gold carpet laid out by him.”
After all was said and done, I was about to thank the great Tabbybug and leave, but I had one question that needed answering:
“Mr. Tabbybug, sir, what do you think my costume for Halloween will be, because I still have not decided on one.”
This made old Tabby raise his mystical eyebrows, shift the white smoke around with one long bony finger, and remain silent for a long while until he responded to my question:
“Tabbybug does not know about this Halloween you talk about. He has just been recently appointed to the Zodiac board and the other divine figures have not informed him of anything, choosing to not quite accept him as part of their historical group because they think he’s some sort of unneeded wheel. Tabbybug wishes he could answer your demanding question but the Zodiac does not allow him access to such small mattered details until he have proven himself worthy enough.”
“Oh, I see…sorry, Mr. Tabbybug, sir, I did not know. I guess I’ll find out for myself. But I have just one more question to ask you – how much are you getting paid for this job?”
This question caused Tabby to look even more confused. “Paid? Paid? You think Tabbybug is getting paid for this job! Zodiac guardians do not get paid! They are divine figurative beings who have no use for such trivial stuff. But on the other hand, those bastards could have at least given friendly Tabby a better place to fortune tell than someone’s old wine cellar! Everyone else gets cloud palaces for Orion’s sake!”
And with that, he knocked the sphere off the table and stormed off into the shadows with a whoosh of his cloak. My first meeting with my horoscope master was over.
You’re tasked with creating a brand new astrological sign for the people born around your birthday — based solely on yourself. What would your new sign be, and how would you describe those who share it?
So you put me in charge of creating a new sign for people born around my birthday (August 28)? Am I really that special that I get to lodge a part of my existence into the Zodiac all based on me? What made you grant me this precious right? OK, if you want to play with fire, I’ll whip something up in the fantastical, whiz banging, smoke snaring, whirry wheeling lab I call my mind.
I was born at the end of August. My sign is Virgo. Which in the Zodiac is a picture of a virgin for which I still am (sadly but at the same time happily). It is the sign associated with earth. The last immortal to abandon earth at the end of the Silver Age, when the gods fled to Olympus. And I will be the last one to abandon home for real once I sail off to university in Kalamazoo.
I’m a blank slate. What sign could be about me? I guess you could say I’m a cat person, I love cats (friendly ones, of course), so my sign would be something to do with a cuddly house animal, but we already have a sign associated with a cat, the lion sign of Leo. What if I combine Virgo with Leo and get Veo or Lirgo? Stupid, I know. No, keep thinking…
I’m a shutterbug, a fanatic of taking pictures. How about a bug sign and name it after the God of Light, Lucifer (which is interesting because that name is usually associated with darkness) because of the obvious association of light with picture taking? Sure, parents would be wary of having their children being born on the zodiac cycle of Lucifer but would it really matter? It’s a sign made up by me and has no connections to the sky, history, or demonic possessions. OK, just to make it SFWU (Safe for Worldly Use), the sign could be called Heylel, which is the Hebrew translation of Lucifer.
What sign could be used to describe someone who is strong and silent, such as myself? Harpocrates is the god of silence, so there’s another possibility. Couple that with a strong god like Hercules and you get the sign of Harpocules or Herpocrates (which sounds similar to an infectious disease).
So all together, my sign would describe someone who is loving and gentle, creative and adventurous, not entirely vocal all the time but is very confident inside without making it apparent to the world.
A Veofercrates Tabbybug (as recently suggested by Mrs. Angloswiss, named after her famous cat! But since I also have a cat named that is similar to a tabby, this goes hand in hand).
“Now, all you Tabbybugs (or Tabbys), assemble at my side and rise up and fight the rest of the Zodiac that now pales in comparison to my awesomeness!”