An Overcoming Aspie

Image result for autism ribbon

I’ve been overcoming something that had plagued me for most of my life. Being locked away in fear and anxiety, afraid of the outside world, afraid of interacting with others.  I don’t think I’ll ever quite be “cured” but I sure feel a lot different now. I feel like I am able to function in the real world and do the same things that others do. Having a repetitive activity everyday helps keep me on track and develop goals for the day.

Now meeting others who are on the same spectrum as me interests me a lot. So far, I’ve met four others who have Asperger’s: a student from high school, one from a college class, one on the WordPress platform, and a girl who I want to call my girlfriend but still am figuring out if it will work or not, being miles apart with no certain date of seeing each other again, other than on Skype. Learning from what they are going through and how they are dealing with it has opened my eyes up to another world, one that I previously thought was shunned and misunderstood.

The truth is that we are an incredibly special group of people, with special abilities and talents. It’s these special skills that pave way for some truly great discoveries.

I don’t believe anyone can fully outgrow autism, and if they do then there is definitely was a misdiagnosis. They can learn to cope with it and blend in with the crowd, but it will always be there, always coming out in a situation that isn’t so comfortable for the person.

I don’t have much trouble with large crowds, but too much noise definitely will make me nervous, such as loud car stereos and loud speakers in a theater. I have certain habits I can’t help and they act as stress relievers, such as right now where I am waiting for a response from my girlfriend. God, it drives me crazy.

I still need my alone time, in order to recharge my batteries, to think and reflect. The bonuses of being alone mean being able to read and write more. I used to always want to be alone, used to avoid any social gatherings, but as time went on I realized how hard it was to live and experience the world. Having more friends means more opportunities and fun.

The last ten years, from when I finally decided that I was going to start on the path to beating this, have been quite amazing. I have transformed and evolved into an entirely different person, one who is now not afraid to try new things and step outside my comfort zone. I’ve probably had more effective conversations with people, including my relatives, than I had in the 17 years before the new beginning. A New Hope.

Getting out and meeting people will always be a challenge for me. Even getting away from home is hard. It takes a lot of effort and courage and some workarounds in my routine in order to fit a new relationship component in there. The great thing about Facebook and the Internet is that it is easy to develop and maintain relationships online now. It’s always easy to get to know a person’s personality, for better or worse.

Missing Something


There definitely feels like there is something missing from my life. Something that is holding me back from getting further ahead. Not having much of a social life outside of the Internet can make the days seem so boring. I always feel so shy and timid when it comes to social interactions. Like I will try to avoid them as much as I can, but this isn’t as bad as it used to be. This is why writing has a powerful and soothing effect on me. I can totally be myself with it. It’s relaxing. I’m not fighting an uphill battle, trying to get over a social barrier. The keys to the social life may been misplaced and I am stuck at home, but I am still comfortable with being who I am.

As a person with a mild form of autism, there are certain things I just don’t understand, just can’t grasp. Like how a person can make so many friends and keep a grasp on them all. How someone can be so energetic all of the time and can always light up a crowd. To me, being too social is emotionally draining. I have to go off by myself to recharge my batteries, to get the deep thoughts going again. Those deep thoughts are what constitute the majority of my days. Without them, I feel empty and confused.

Misplaced

Conversation Limited

A lively group discussion, an intimate tête-à-tête, an inner monologue — in your view, when it comes to a good conversation, what’s the ideal number of people?


As a guy born with Asperger’s, having any conversation takes a little bit of a push and some needed inspiration; I’m just so used to living in a confined shell that breaking out of that comfort zone can be stressful. The best conversation I can handle is one to two people at most and then after that it starts getting muddled and confusing. The biggest discussion I had with more than two people was fairly watered down and uneventful and I felt rather uncomfortable sharing some thoughts of mine. On the other hand, one on one discussions follow one train of thought, not multiple train tracks coming from multiple directions and they go further for me because of the continuing build of rapport and trust. One on one conversations are more serious and thoughtful than multiple person talks. Ideas get across more coherently instead of being lost in translation.

It was not until about the eleventh grade that conversation became more easier for me and I was not so intimidated by it – though I still am afraid to even talk on Skype, Hangouts, or any other video chat. I met a good, albeit crazy, friend named Josh and we seemed to hit it off from day one and never looked back. He began the spark that took me away from the notion that conversation was pointless and futile and made me realize that having friends was the key to living a well-balanced life. Josh was so full of energy and excitement; me, a mellow, calm, cool, and collected person but he managed to pull me out of that persona – for at least one year.

My uncle Jack is the one I am extremely comfortable having unrestricted conversations with. Our subjects are usually on football, food, or other people in general that we disagree with. The thing is, I sometimes leave him hanging and don’t add anything new unless asked, occupying myself with stuff I’m more interested in such as my computer, but that has been a thing I’ve been forcing myself to change.

I wouldn’t call myself the catalyst to any conversation…I’m more of the jump on board the train when it starts going at a fine pace kind of guy.

When trapped in my head

No limits to converse

Thoughts and I one on one


 Daily Prompt 10/11/14