College 2.0

Should I go back to college? Or not?

That is the question

What do I want to get out of this?

Is it going to really help me?

Should I get a job now?

I never went to a university and got to experience the real college life and now I feel so old going back.

I was so afraid of going far from home back when I first went to college in 2010. I hadn’t even decided on a major yet and now I know more about life than anything I ever got out of a college class.

I’m almost 25 and still have no job after graduating at 22 (went to a two year college for an associate’s). The path to a great life is becoming more and more straight and narrow. If I want to have those memories everlasting, I’ll have to get out and actually meet people. Of course, I have passions and talents already developing where I sit, so what is the point in trying to learn more things and taking all of those useless classes when I can easily (well, not that easy) make money doing what I love now. There are opportunities for photographers and I just have to go for them. There are ways of making money on YouTube if I really dedicate myself to the platform.

I just have to make a decision on what is best for me. Going through another round of panic inducing anxiety is not needed.

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Crossroads

Here you are at the crossroads

Your life is hanging in the balance

There is no more time to wait

It is time to get up and go

Because getting older means

Becoming more of an afterthought

As everyone gets younger and better looking

And you start going the other way

With the high school years further behind

And the inevitable future ahead

Don’t let your dreams slip through your fingers

Chase after them and stare doubts in the rear mirror

I don’t want to grow old too quickly

Because there is so much left to experience

And letting those days slip by

Would be ever regrettable

Crossroads

Twas Within My Grasp

university

To have set off on my own

Would have been great

Living the free life

That university life

And reaching a new perspective

But something held me back

I ended up staying at home

Going to local college

And never got to shed my protective layer

I’m still young

That dream is still within reach

But slipping away

Fast

If I could go back

I would take the chance

And just do it

Instead of

Second guessing myself

And falling back

On the easy path


In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Out of Reach.”

Write about the one X that got away — a person, an experience, a place you wanted to visit. How much would you change about your life to have it within reach again?

Life After College

OK, so you graduated college and have gotten a degree. Great job, kid. Go on and celebrate all the hard work. You’re on top of the world right now. No one is going to bring you down.

The next day: Now it’s time to find a job. Better get on the Internet and start applying. There are so many opportunities out there and you are offered lifetime assistance, but it’s up to you seek them out. Your job everyday from now on is to look for a job. They aren’t going to come to you. Don’t procrastinate. Get your priorities straight. That rhymes, isn’t that great?

One year later: Still an unemployed kid living at home who has taken an interest in something other than his degree’s field, that drafting and design degree looking more and more like a back pocket deal. He now is looking to go to photography school and get a Bachelor’s degree in that field, which may lead to his long time dream of opening a photography/videography business coming true.

So far on my life after graduating college for the first time in 2014:

I walk by that girl at the local supermarket today and she gives me a look of disgust, trying to avoid walking near me. I was walking down the aisle, just minding my own business, feeling really good about myself, when I see this woman who gives me the dirtiest look, turning her head away from me as if I looked bad or something. True, I was unshaven, hair unkempt, and wearing a “Redneck Fishing” t-shirt over some dingy looking shorts, but people are so judgmental. I’m a nice looking, handsome guy, this being validated by nearly everyone I meet, not just my family, so this is just one of those people that judge off first impressions. I may not always look my best. I felt like a weight had been dropped on me but I sucked it up and just walked ahead to the electronics section, picking out another poster for my wall, a “Music Inspires Me” selection, since it really does help me through some tough moments and pushes me to reach my goals. And music is just cool.

Life after high school and college – it sure sucks some time. You are no longer living in a fantasy anymore and have to face the wide world which doesn’t care about you at all if you’re not famous or have anything going for you. When you feel insignificant and hear all the talk about those rich celebs on TV day after day after day on The Talk, The View, and other womanly gossip shows, constantly drilling it into your head that that’s the life to live and what you are doing right now isn’t important at all. When you see those beautiful people on TV relaxing in California and going to the fanciest of venues, getting to go to all the sporting events and sit in the luxury seats. Justin Bieber is one of those people I so dislike, his always smug look of satisfaction, the fact that he gets away with all kinds of crap, and the fact that he can have anything, and anyone, in the world, while I simply can’t. We are both human and live on the same planet with just miles between us but one has more privileges because he has more money and fame. Strip all that stuff away and we would be both the same. It’s odd how life works. It’s odd how everything, even human beings, can have a price tag added to them. In the end we are all the same, because all of the money and possessions can’t be taken with you – unless there is a special method being developed to transport it to the afterlife.

It seems as if the years after graduating high school and college have brought me one harsh reality after another: that I’m not Sand will have to work really hard to get anywhere in life. When I suddenly feel really alone, that icy chilliness, and all my “friends” are gone, many of them to faraway states. When I realize some of the kids from my senior class have gotten into top colleges and have great jobs right now and have really excelled, while I’m still humbly sitting here at home writing a blog everyday because I don’t have a job, my autistic disability being a problem. I hate when one of them brags on Facebook about having gone to a foreign country like Germany or having started a sweet career as a model and I get that jealous feeling that I’m not as good as them, when in fact I have talents of my own – writing for instance.

I could be having a really good day and really feeling highly about myself when all of a sudden I go on Facebook and the first thing that pops up is a post about someone’s grand achievement that is amazingly popular with hundreds of people “liking” it and I feel a little on the outside of this because I never get that kind of response on any of my posts. I know I shouldn’t have this envious feeling about others having more superior and exciting lives but I can’t help but put my life in perspective and have it be compared to theirs. What I must remember though is that my life is just as good as theirs. I’ve got so many people that care about me and what to see me succeed. I must believe in what I want to achieve, which in my case right now is becoming a writer! Who would have thought that a couple years ago? Time has a way of changing things.


In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Mountaintops and Valleys.”

Describe a time when you quickly switched from feeling at the top of the world to sinking all the way down (or vice versa). Did you learn anything about yourself in the process?

Weekly Photo: A Muse of Mine

Spring Arbor University Clock TowerThe old clock tower on the campus of Spring Arbor University is what keeps me coming back to that place, even after I have moved away. It has always placed a sort of mystique on this part of the college for me and sticks out for me whenever I walk around the grounds, always being the focal point of many photographs I have snapped there. Hearing the bells ring 12 times at 12:00, that haunting sound echoing throughout the area, was always a memory from my six years living here, and a comforting feeling.


Weekly Photo Challenge: “Muse.”

I couldn’t help but notice that the bar at the top of the editing window for posts today has a rainbow strip going across it. This is obviously because the Supreme Court has just legalized same sex marriage nationwide. What a miraculous day in the long and hard fought battle for equal marriage rights. It’s great that WordPress is honoring it in a nice subtle way.

Today’s also the second anniversary of this blog I am writing for, being registered on June 26, 2013, the first post being published on June 27, 2013. I try to keep focusing on making this blog better and to keep everyone happy, but there have been times where I’ve slipped up and actually have lost viewers and followers. All in all though, I feel pretty confident with myself moving forward.

Not Writing A College Essay

I don’t want to think too hard today, since my mind is currently at ease, so that is why I am deciding to forgo the tedious task of presenting a two sided argument for something in the news that I really have no interest in writing about. It’s not that it doesn’t concern me but the overall post that would be written afterward would be a strained effort from my mind and something that would feel out of place with some of the happier, more lighthearted posts that I have written – my poems and photography that attempt to present a personal side of myself and discover the all around human spirit within. I hate these kind of prompts – they’re a challenge that I never can quite grasp:

Pick a divisive issue currently in the news. Write a two-part post in which you take on two personas and approach the topic from both sides. Bonus points for a creative format (roundtable discussion, debate transcript, etc.).

Sounds rather complicated. And what are these ‘Bonus points’ going towards? No, I’m not in college anymore and definitely have had enough of these analytic essays. Debate club was never for me.

6b

Dinner tonight was Banquet chicken, iceberg salad, corn, stuffing, and fish sticks. A mini-Thanksgiving on this quiet day of college basketball and NASCAR. A side of vodka induced OJ washed down the meal well and prompted the featured image today. Later on, I indulgently slurped down a green food-colored shamrock shake, leaving the cherry the last thing in the bottom of the container, a tradition of mine – like the worm at the bottom of a tequila glass minus the alcohol.

Since I’m turning away from writing the proverbial college essay, my twist on ‘A House Divided’ must be if I am to return to college or not this fall.

The pros are there: I can start my Bachelor’s degree program and have a better shot at getting a job. I won’t be sitting around the house anymore and would actually be making progress again. I could finally make some money and move out, having more space for my little production studio that seeks to expand.

But there are also the cons: I only have a few years left before financial aid will not support me anymore and I will have to pay for my classes and tuition. And I have become so comfortable at home doing my own thing and suddenly having to go to classes again week by week would be tough.

So what should I do? Continuing my education either at Baker or perhaps Western Michigan University would be a great idea and a worthwhile decision. My job hunt with an Associate Degree in my back pocket hasn’t panned out that well (a lot on my behalf of being lazy) and I suppose learning more in the engineering field, or perhaps something more of my interest would be beneficial. That something else could be trying to go for a Bachelor’s degree in video production, since I am already an avid hobbyist of it and have bubbling aspirations to really become great in the field. I didn’t spend all that money on production equipment just because. I absolutely love making movies – amateur yes, but all the same – and the decision to continue to learn new tricks and techniques would be great and might actually land me a job somewhere, say perhaps working behind the scenes at a news station. In August 2014, I attempted to start my own wedding/special events production company but didn’t have the necessary funds or actual equipment to do it. And it was a rather silly and absurd idea anyway, going off of my family’s excitement for a little graduation video slideshow I made for my sister. I even had a website made that cost me a fortune and later on had to be cancelled and the money refunded in order to get my bank account out of the red. And to this day I still get phone calls asking if I’m the owner of that now nonexistent website; I should just say it was cancelled months ago but I instead hang up or wait for the call to mysteriously drop.

Yes, I should return to college to get my life back on the track of progress, instead of the rut it is kind of stuck in now with job prospects being so low where I live. It would be a fun experience and I would feel better about myself – even more if I happened to move away to the aforementioned WMU and actually live on campus, enjoying all the amenities of a real college student. Yes, the costs are a concern but nothing in this world comes free. And if I am ever going to reach my goals that are starting to take shape and become more solid and realistic I really need to reach for the stars, instead of dwelling on the ground staring up at them, hoping for a miracle that one would fall down to me – and hit me straight on the head, leaving me in a confused state like a cartoon character.


In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: A House Divided

Payback Time

In Due Time: What’s your next, most pressing deadline? Are you excited, stressed, or ambivalent about it? What’s the first thing you’d like to do once you’re done with it?


There is a deadline that is coming soon

Involves a lot of money

But I have yet to find out when exactly it is

Paying back the government is not funny

And I don’t have much to give away at all

This is a serious matter

Not one day can be taken off

I’m really not excited, enthustiatic about this pressing time

Because the thought of being stuck in student loan hell always lingers on my mind

But when I finally give them what they want and get this monkey off my back

I’ll just sit back in my chair and eat one of my favorite snacks

fat-kid-eating-chips-watching-tv

0723
If only this were real…

I have to admit this December I have fallen off the wagon a bit with blogging, missing a couple days because of things going on in my life and my stats have taken a hit as well (more thanks to the pingbacks being out for a record amount of days).