Discover: Through An Empty Door

1124-Paulordark.jpg

The door to eternal happiness is a fickle one. It seems to move all over the place like the target games at the fair. One minute you believe you have the answer, the next you are wondering if the path you chose was the right one along with thoughts of “if I could just go back and change things”. There seems to be no right path in life. There is no real answer. Life is what you make of it. You either win or lose based on your choices. It’s life and death and what you do in between is what really matters, is the difference between you being remembered or simply forgotten like a leaf in the breeze. The door holds a lot of mystery.  A lot of white light. A lot of possibilities.

I am going through a door but there is no definitive light at the end; there is a foggy mist of mystery. The light flickers and flashes but it doesn’t call out for me. I’m running into this mist with a sword and shield, ready to face whatever pitfall comes my way. The ground is shaky but solid – I have an idea of where I am heading but there is always doubt in my mind. Points are being laid out as I go. My internal GPS is directing me toward a far off location. Based off my immediate families lives, the destination could be living a normal life with a good paying job but no chance for advancement or the life of a perpetual loner who is set in his ways and has basically nothing else to look forward to but the most trivial, unimportant things – his life, for the most part, has never produced the sort of wings that allow one to soar over the mountains and explore all there is to know. He is trapped in a world of fear, unable to venture outside of his comfort zone. This comfort zone is crippling. It holds you back from living the most ideal life. You stand on the sidelines watching everyone else rise to unprecedented heights while you’re the one filling the water bottles wondering what might happen if you just take a chance.

I suppose it’s up to me to figure out what I want to do. It’s up to me to figure out where I want to be in the next ten years, which is definitely not still sitting on this same couch brooding about what I could have done but in a place of my own thinking about what I’m happy to have accomplished. My journey through life is not complete yet. There’s still a number of plans I’m hoping fall into place once the means to achieve them become possible. I’m not planning on getting married for a long while, not until all of the pieces fall into place. I’m not even in the situation right now to marry anyone. It would be premature and kind of silly. Save the best ’til last and don’t waste the moment.

Discover Challenge: DoorVoyage

Advertisements

Just Keep Swimming

Magellanic Penguins

I’m really shy when it comes to people, large communities in general. Going out of my comfort zone to socialize is a very scary thing indeed. Even online discussions and meeting new people tends to put me in a fight or flight situation. When I receive a response that is directly targeting me as a person, is insulting and downgrading, all I can do is just acknowledge and move on because they have no authority over my actual life, don’t know who I really am outside of what I post online.

The most overwhelming thing that I ever partook in at school was running for student council, which I knew was a silly thing to do because I was doing it during my senior year and wouldn’t be able to serve if I was elected (which I wasn’t). I basically went around gathering signatures to be nominated for a position – treasurer it was because I thought I would be good with money. I believe I needed at least 100 signatures and surprisingly I got them with no problem. I probably went up and talked to more people in one day than I did in my whole entire life. Getting over my initial fear of people’s reactions was a relief. It was quite a groundbreaking experience for me, even if it didn’t really amount to anything. The fact that I did it without any help or support helped me learn a great deal about myself, that I had the courage to explore unfamiliar territory. The same can be said about that time I took up the courage to sing karaoke in front of a crowded gym after-prom party. Yeah, that was quite a shock to me and a few others (depending on how I actually sounded).

Getting the signatures was the easy part. The hard part was giving a speech in front of a small group to why I would make a good treasurer. I literally had no experience with student council or even running so right away I looked and sounded kind of stupid. Judging by the blank stares, I obviously received no votes. It was a shot is all I could say. Prepared me for other social encounters later in life. It prepared me for the sort of things that would see me untethered and having no one guiding me, like getting into college and looking for work. The days when it seems like no one cares about you or even acknowledges your existence tend to make you work harder as a person for respect and recognition. When you have to scrap together whatever you have, whatever little money or experience, well, you can see how learning to be a self-preservative person comes along.


Tell us about a time when you were left on your own, to fend for yourself in an overwhelming situation — on the job, at home, at school. What was the outcome?

In My Comfort Zone

Reaching out for the stars,

Insecurity starts to fall into my lap,

I’m afraid of leaving too far from my tether,

And facing a tragic drop back down to Earth,

Where dreams are extinguished and

It’s the everyday man labor once again

So best to not extend my reach too much

And raise expectations to an impossible point

Where turning back leaves me humbled as ever

The yearning for more power only resulting in

A smoldering pile of disappointment

As the road to fulfillment is a bumpy pressured filled ride


In Response to Daily Prompt: Safety First