I’m Still Miss Daisy

You’ve been given a key that can open one building, room, locker, or box to which you don’t normally have access. How do you use it, and why?


My life would be so much easier

if I could drive a car

and sail off into the sunset

and leave this life afar.

But sadly, that is not a reality

and I am stuck here in neutral,

unable to advance ahead

and be one with the people.

The jobs abound, out there are rich and plentiful,

while in my current position, the buffet table is very lentil.

Creativity unleashed, new places to explore.

I could do it all

if that key would open the door.

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The car sits idle in the driveway, but I can’t drive it

DP #59

The Impossible Dream

“Good things come to those who wait.” Do you agree? How long is it reasonable to wait for something you really want?


Day 83

I’ve been waiting for something for a very long time, but like this farm land, reaching it is a vast and far away reality. One of my biggest and most relentless dreams is to become a filmmaker or have any job in the film business, whether it be a cameraman, editor, special effects guy, heck, even a stunt man maybe, but even getting started on the right track has been a struggle. There always seems to be a demon in my head saying, “No, man, you’ll never be able to do it,” and the fact that I am stuck at home with no way to do anything drives home the point even more. I’ve tried scratching the surface a couple of times, making short videos that have no plot or direction to them, creating amateur animations, trying to create basic special effects in videos that really weren’t that special, putting together simple montage videos of pictures and home movies.

“Just give up, you’ve got no chance”

“Does anybody even what you’re doing? No”

“There isn’t anyone around to help you so this is pointless”

“Why would anybody care what you do? No one is even going to look at your videos”

“You’re going to create something good with that trash? Hmm…”

The point is, if I keep on waiting to become what I want to be, nothing is going to happen. I’m not just going to be handed a job as a filmmaker or any position in the production of a movie. Becoming an editor is more of my style since I don’t have to be in front of people and can be comfortable in front of a computer as I already am. I love editing videos on the computer and having better equipment and more knowledge to work with would benefit me much. But I’m never going to get anywhere by just sitting here and thinking about it. Right now the dream seems very impossible, even more now that my interest in even attempting to get into movie making has faded greatly, but pops up ever so often when inspiration strikes.

My attempts to become a YouTube star have always been met with great disappointment simply because I couldn’t keep up with the changing tastes of viewers or put together anything that is exciting or appealing enough to hold anyone’s attention. Since it was mainly me in every video and not really having any idea of what to say or do, things started to tank very quickly. I still try every now and then to start a successful series of videos that everyone will watch but getting noticed and out there has proven to be difficult. Four or five channels later of trying to go in a certain direction with the videos and getting as high as 33 subscribers on one channel has made me start to question if this is what I really want to do with my life. There is so much more I could do though, but I don’t ever attempt to step outside my comfort zone and try to do something that I have never done before that might just push me over the top. I think I’m just too afraid to go out and chase my dreams for real, instead of sitting here and letting them slip away from me day by day. I’ve never had the tenacity to stick with anything and work really hard to become successful because once I reach my peak, where I couldn’t possibly do any better with what I’ve got and I’m not grabbing anyone’s attention anymore, I tend to give up. After one dream subsides, another one enters, and as of right now I’m dreaming of becoming a successful photographer and on the side a renown writer. But I know these are just by the moment kinds of things and once I stop practicing in those fields, reality will set in again and I will be left wondering once more.

I think I’m on the right track to figuring out what I really want to be in life, way better than when I was in high school and just living by the moment and doing everything because I was told to. Following the impossible dream should not be impossible. I feel like I’m always writing and erasing things from a large whiteboard, scrapping ideas that don’t work and putting up new ones that, for at least a while, seem to hit the right notes. I can’t possibly keep on waiting for my dreams to come true. It is time to accomplish something. I am 23 and have a whole untarnished life ahead of me. There is so much opportunity and bound to be something I can be good at for once that will make me and lot of others happy.


DP #58

Photography 101: House/Street

I missed the first day of Photography 101 because I signed up late, but no bother: here is what I call the house of my dreams, taken while walking alongside a busy road one day.  I love the shadow that is being cast by the tree in front and how all three trees and the shrubberies seem to guard the house.

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And here are my pictures for the second day of Photo 101: the boulevard of my mobile community dressed in its annual snowy white and a monstrous overcast above the main road in my hometown.

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0109 The Boulevard

#photo101

Dream Retrieving

Today you can write about anything, in whatever genre or form, but your post must mention a dark night, your fridge, and tears (of joy or sadness; your call). Feel free to switch one ingredient if you have to (or revisit one from previous trio prompts).


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The more somber part of my experiences takes me to a dark, spooky, and desolate ghost town…

An eerie breeze can be heard. The metal sign hanging from the porch of an old shophouse claps in the wind.
Suddenly inside the shophouse, I am standing in front of a crazy old hillbilly sitting in a rocker; he passes me a scratch off lottery ticket; the scene is very short and vague; I believe there is a fire burning in a grate behind us, shining across the wooden floor panels. Then it is morning the next day and police are doing investigations at the place. What happened between me getting the lottery ticket and the lawmen showing up? Did the hillbilly kill me or give me an illegal ticket? I remember him having a red plaid shirt on and sporting a pretty healthy looking countryman beard. He didn’t seem to be there when the police were searching the place so maybe he’s a wanted man who has run off somewhere.

Next, after easing into my rapidly deteriorating dream state, I am standing at the end of a hallway that is clearly like the one in my current home; there are two rooms on either side; one is my actual room and the other is my sisters; it is a debate in my head between going in one or the other. When I enter the room on the right, the door suddenly breaks off its hinges and hangs there. The first thing I see is an open fridge without the freezer on top; my dad has his head in it and is eyeing some donuts on the top door shelf. I grab a sticky chocolate one at the same time he does, our hands nearly colliding with each other. I now look at the hanging door and don’t believe I can stay in this room. I discuss it with dad and mom, who is also in the room. They tell me to go try the other room across the hall.

As I stand in the foyer of the second room and stare into the entrance on the right, I feel a lot more content and joyous; Mom is standing behind me in the hallway and seems happy as well; I believe there are tears of joy in her eyes as she stares back at me. I walk into the room, which seems endless, and start admiring the square pictures and notes on the walls, some of them featuring moments from my childhood, stuff dedicated to me. On the first wall to the left as I enter the domain is a corkboard with an open card tacked to it:

Happy Birthday, Matt

Mike

“Mike” is obviously written in my dad’s handwriting but I still think it is actually from my Uncle Mike. As I walk further on towards the “end” of the room, I see a message on the wall from a Kaley, and I immediately think it is from Kaley Cuoco (my mind conjures up an image as well).

Soon, as I turn to the right wall behind me, I come to a note talking about a writing program that is trying to get to D.C and get accepted to write articles for the United States government. The note also says they need volunteers and I feel terrible for not seeing this earlier.

Suddenly, I am taken out of my room and end up inside an indoor football field. Barack Obama and his crew are standing on the far right side of the field (near my right eye) and on the left side, the “writers” are buried underground and sticking their arms out the soil into the air, trying to get Obama’s attention. Obviously Barack doesn’t notice them and has a smug grin on his face.

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Another sharp twist of my swirling vortex of thoughts takes me to a much darker moment in the sleepy town of Spring Arbor where I used to live. In an old Buick parked in the driveway of a grey house I moved out of four years ago, I am sleeping face down, as if crazily drunk. The car is from from a John that my mom was seeing for a while but is now a distant friend. The Buick was a hunk of junk and broke down not long after it was used.

Now I see “Dad”, who looks like Ted Beneke from Breaking Bad, coming out of the house.

Then I am inside the house, going into my room down the hallway on the right. Around the “L” shaped corner of the room on the left, I see my bed made with a sign on the end board:

God Gave Us Christ’s Child

Wow. What a message to see in my dreams. That’s surely a sign (no pun intended). That never existed there in real life so something truly remarkable is going on here.

Now, sitting in the front row of the auditorium of my high school, I am attending a play or dance recital; I am near the railing on the right. My dad comes by (not Ted Beneke) to pick me and my sisters or something special up, I’m not quite sure. Someone is expertly showing off their Beethoven skills on stage.

The curtain closes and the black dressed ballerinas exit stage left. Curtain opens again and white dressed ballerinas have taken the stage. Interesting – it’s like evil turning to good.

ballerinas


Daily Prompt 10/30/14

WPC: April Sky of Dreams

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Oh, what a sight, the April sky of my dreams, found while walking home one evening.

Those clouds are like dark smoke, fluffy, roaring, billowing out with the fierceness of giants. The streak of light pierces the evening sky, creating an electric connection between two cloud nodes, as if it communicating back and forth.

But what became most surprising is when I stared at this long enough and the image of a demon god monster suddenly formed, holding the “lightning bolt” in a smoky grey hand, a scowl expression on his frowning face. An eye and a crown shaped head can easily be seen. The god, who might actually be Zeus, also seems to be sporting a large beard. It looks like he’s prodding the cloud below. And now I have just made out the image of a cannonball or bowling ball being lifted over the right shoulder of “Zeus” with a muscular arm and he apparently wanting to throw it – or it might be a large dark fist being raised in fury. His formless, ghostly body also materializes in the open space of the sky and it looks like he’s floating on his side through the channel. Now it is quite apparent: a thunderous god is in the clouds with his magic bolt or wand of lightning; I cannot look at this picture without seeing it now.

Fiery orange, somber blue, wispy white, smog grey, amber yellow, all sifting together harmoniously to create this unimaginable scene.

At the fiery core of the masterpiece is what looks like a volcano about to erupt. The eye of the storm. The sun simmering down on a calm April evening.

This shot is absolutely beautiful. There is so much vibrant color, the rich shades of grey and deep blue tinged cumulus’ are marvelous.

I cannot stop looking at the sky god, it is so amazingly clear now…it’s head is now fully shaped. I move in closer and wow – there’s an ear as well.


Photo Challenge for Week of October 10: Dreamy