An Irrational Fear

Why does one start a blog?

Why did I start a blog? Because I had a relentless pulse of creativity that needed an outlet. I needed to find my passion somehow, somewhere, and carving out another hole in the Internet for myself was a way to pull everything together.

We may all say that we blog just for the fun of it and want to put down anything that is on our minds, but in the end the statistics are the all important criteria. I blog for likes, comments, and follows like everybody else. I am pretty confident that I am posting the right things that my audience enjoys, but sometimes that confidence betrays me and I am met face to face with the thing I dread the most: the goose egg. Zilch. Nada. “Be the first to like this”, as if it’s asking me to like my own post. It’s happened to me a number of times, mostly in my first year on WordPress when I didn’t know a thing about successful blogging and had no posting pattern. I have deleted most posts in the first months that received zero likes, which were very long and tedious, while leaving behind a few that got the silent treatment, those I really adored but others did not, such as this one about a common expression that is present in my life right now.

Since my step into the brighter days of blogging, I have gotten zero likes only about three or four times, upsetting and prompting me to delete or at least edit the post to hopefully get some interaction. When I post something, I usually go with topics that I’m sure my readers will like. These are ideas that are popular with the rest of the blogging scene, such as Weekly Photo Challenges and lists.

One other place where I have learned to fear the singular bug is perhaps the most talked about website in the world – YouTube. In my six year experience, I have uploaded a number of videos that have never been viewed by anyone but me. The two or three views that some of my recent gaming videos received were from me. To lessen my disappointment, I artificially upped the view counts on some of my videos, by refreshing the page, to the limit of 300, hoping that people coming across them would be more interested if they had some life. I have fallen into a fear of even checking out my videos, especially my most recent ones, an Asphalt 8: Airborne montage and an Angry Gran Run gameplay, knowing that videos before that got minimal views and sent me into a slumping sadness. And before those videos that were uploaded after a long hiatus, some Minecraft videos I created didn’t get much buzz either, though I had hoped latching onto the popular game would give me a big boost, but that was not the case. My general thinking of YouTube is the more popular something is, the harder it is to create videos that are equally stunning or pleasing as others. It’s equally tough to get noticed when there are more popular channels doing the same thing.

Matt Estes of Mars Gone Mad provided a really cool website called Underviewed that features YouTube videos that haven’t been discovered by the general public and live in the cold unknown world of obscurity. The uploaders of these videos, some of them could be called diamonds in the rough, were either too lazy to apply proper titles or were inept about the whole process, leaving the default filenames from the camera as the title, therefore drawing potential viewers away.

Believe it or not, I’m also skittish about Instagram. I upload photos to my account, but then I rarely go back and check how they did statwise. I have a nerving fear that they will have not received a single like, which isn’t a big deal but ruins my confidence.

My fear of the ever possible zero is irrational. There is really no reason to have it. It’s all in my head, is trivial and unimportant. If I just let myself go and didn’t care, I would be alright. The fear of failure is atychiphobia which means that you are afraid to even try anything new to you because you think the results may be bad. I have tried many things, it’s just my previous bad experiences that have taught me to never get too excited, because days will always come along when my expectations are met with disappointment. I usually get over it very quickly though because in the end it’s all fun and games and shouldn’t be treated like rocket science.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “1984.”

You’re locked in a room with your greatest fear. Describe what’s in the room.