Am I A Writer? Or Pretender?

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you. ~Ray Bradbury”

Writing is my way of escaping reality, the reality that I am just an ordinary average guy living at home who is unemployed and hasn’t dated in over five years. A way of escaping the reality that I just don’t have the pure comedic talent to punch myself out of a box. Writing is a way of relaying my thoughts and smoothing out the jumbled tangle of anger and resentment, that I don’t have access to the more finer things in life, that there is always going to be someone out there is just a little bit better and more successful, who boasts with arrogance and an all too personal attachment to their self. Writing basically makes me feel happy. Doing it everyday is like a fulfillment, every post another installment in the grand library that I am building. The first brick was laid a few years ago and now there is a structure and blueprint to go by. Sorry if I’m getting sentimental again.

I never intended to get drunk on writing but it just hit me one uneventful autumn day. I wanted to explore and dive into storytelling, wanted to learn about other people’s ideas and what inspires them. I wanted to get my story out there, of how I have struggled with always feeling like the second fiddle and never having a chance at anything. How I was always too shy to take the lead and preferred to stay in the background, letting the showrunners continue their dominance and increase of popularity. How being born into a family that is just a notch above being poor is quite a difficult thing because then there’s the self doubt, negative environment, and all-around ceiling of mediocrity that I want to break through. Having an online life outside of my present, plain Jane one gives me a new outlet and another way to develop some seriously juicy skills.

Let’s face it, I am a creative geek who loves to tinker and play around with the inner working of things – I produce but am always going back and changing things, continuing to design. You’ll always see me on my computer, writing blogs, editing pictures, playing games, checking email, or doing other NSFW acts. I have a need to explore my inner-self, to uncover the secret potential that has always been inside myself since I first realized I had a pulse of creativity at a young age. I drew my own superhero team and the worlds they lived in, featuring them in a trilogy of colorful short stories called “Space World” I created. They were really crudely drawn, yes, but it was the most exciting moment in my life.

The future of my writing days is being uncovered everyday. I want it to become a lifelong thing and be a natural part of me. I want to scale the highest peaks and accomplish some big goals. I want to believe in something bigger than myself. I want to look like the picture below when my dreams are finally met:

The Oxford dictionary’s 2015 word of the year, announced yesterday, is an emoji called “Face with Tears of Joy”. It beat out a slew of other potential candidates that would qualify more as words than this. The prestigious dictionary’s thoughts on choosing this were that is was the most used emoji during the year across social media. This is the first time I’ve seen a symbol be chosen to represent the entire English language and it makes me wonder what the future of our language is if a smiley face icon is chosen as a “word”, opening up the door to more absurd possibilities such as examples below:


It’s an impostor, I tell you, posing as the next great advancement in human communication. Let’s just hope it doesn’t find its way into the official dictionary anytime soon.

Can I really call myself a writer yet, if I haven’t published any books? In my own private world, yes. 180+ poems and 200 something longforms later is a reason.

I’m no imposter. I’m just a guy trying to find a crack in the cliff edge to hold onto, so I can continue my climb and not fall down.

I’m no imposter if I have a deep love for what I do. This is all from my own mind, all my spirit being unleashed. I love what I do when it just flows naturally from me and I don’t put so much pressure on myself. My confidence in creating this website only gets better with each passing as more followers enter the “Circle of Mac” and witness the inner working of my mind, all the gears turning, the real me coming out with every post. All I can say to you all is “Thank you for wanting to be my friend.”

In Response to the Daily Prompt: The Great Pretender

Are you full of confidence or have you ever suffered from Imposter Syndrome? Tell us all about it.