Things I Hate About Valentine’s Day


Valentine’s Day is that mushy holiday that I’ve never really cared for (basically because I’ve never had a reason to). It just comes and it goes. I was going to wait until next Valentine’s Day to publish this but since it has been stowed away in my drafts for a while, I thought I’d publish it now.

Here are ten things I dislike about this annual celebration, said to have originated way back in the ancient Roman times, from a number of saints named “Valentine” (who the actual one it’s named after is an extraordinary debate):

  1. It’s such a manufactured holiday
  2. No one cares about the single guys
  3. People with diabetes are the minority
  4. What the hell is a Cupid?
  5. We spend BILLIONS on worthless Valentine cards that get thrown away
  6. The one day of the year where couples sweep their troubles under the rug, and then pull them out again the next day.
  7. You forget about the credit card debt from Christmas and buy that expensive ring for your spouse.
  8. Like Halloween, it comes and goes really quickly and has no lasting memory
  9. All the fake, empty “Happy Valentine’s Day” greetings you’ll get at the office.
  10. It doesn’t make February any less boring.

This is a first in a series of “Things I Hate” posts.

25 Things to do on Cinco de Mayo

Here are 25 things to do (or probably not) on this Mexican holiday that Americans feel so passionate to celebrate, even if it has nothing to do with them. Most of these are suggestions that probably shouldn’t be taken seriously but what I’m offering for humorous effect.

  1. Celebrate it as National Mayonnaise Day
  2. Have a mock Mexican-French war recreation
  3. Eat like a Mexican all day (breakfast, lunch, dinner)
  4. Spread 1/5 of mayo on your sandwich
  5. Take a picture of your mayo and put it on Instagram
  6. Wave the Mexican flag in the general direction of France
  7. Correct the people that think this is Mexico’s Independence Day
  8. Attempt to learn Spanish
  9. Read up on the history of Mexico
  10. Sing the Mexican national anthem:
  11. Make a list of the things you should do on this day because you are so bored
  12. Go to Cancun
  13. Wear a sombrero to work
  14. Go to a Spanish bull fight
  15. Eat at your favorite family Mexican restaurant (mine is “Casa Rodrigeous)
  16. Watch a movie in Spanish or with the subtitles on
  17. Listen to a song in Spanish
  18. Count to one hundred or more in Spanish
  19. Put on a Mexican musical complete with maracas, accordions, and castanet
  20. Drink a fifth of rum, whiskey, or vodka
  21. Listen to “Macarena” by Los del Rio
  22. Eat Mexican jumping beans
  23. Remember the Alamo
  24. Dance with a Mexican girl or guy
  25. Try to celebrate this holiday as tasteful as possible and don’t do most of what I suggest!