It’s Halloween, and you just ran out of candy. If the neighborhood kids (or anyone else, really) were to truly scare you, what trick would they have to subject you to?
Halloween was fairly uneventful this year Only three kids came to the door So when you ask me if I ran out of candy What scare would be in store It would be a very bad bellyache, cavities galore Because I ended up eating it all The storm chasing everyone away My delicately carved pumpkin Now just wasting away
Yesterday you invented a new astrological sign. Today, write your own horoscope — for the past month (in other words, as if you’d written it October 1st).
The Bug, the Silence, and the Comfort spoke to me about my October destiny as I was sitting down at the little tea table in the dark and dusty wine cellar. The guardian of the 13th Zodiac, sitting opposite me and wearing rich robes of deep scarlet, gazed into a crystal ball and foretold my apparent future.
“Tabbybug sees new pathways in your future. You will expand your horizons this fair October”, he said in a mysterious drawl, with a bit of a French accent.
I shifted in my seat excitedly; this was good news!
More revelations were revealed as the guardian seemed to magically shift the white smoke to and fro without actually touching the glass.
“On October 1, a new beginning will offer another chance to shine at something that you love, to break free from the shadows of mediocrity and be heard for miles around. Around October 15, there will be a growing comfort in yourself and you will start to feel your interests going towards something good. Tabbybug predicts a large community gathering around you, sharing similar interests and aiming for new go —
“Ah”, I responded, “That sounds like WordPress —
“Do not interrupt Tabbybug while he tries to excruciatingly concentrate on predicting pointless events in your future!”
“Sorry, sir. Come again? Did you say pointless?”
But there was a sudden grey clouding of the sphere.
“Oh dear…there will be a time when good luck will fall out and you will be left feeling alone and vulnerable. You will soon realize, around October 20, that your skills are not quite refined and cannot run with the veteran pack. Old Tabby sees your normal routines continuing on as usual, but there will be a desperate need to escape the everyday clutches of mundane tasks and explore the wild blue yonder.”
“Great, are we done yet?”, I said impatiently, getting up to leave.
“Hold on, young wise one! Tabbybug sees you longing for the love and companionship of another living thing, not necessarily a person, on the 29th of October. On that same day, your future self will be incessantly calling, waiting for you to answer his call and either follow or not follow the tattered gold carpet laid out by him.”
After all was said and done, I was about to thank the great Tabbybug and leave, but I had one question that needed answering:
“Mr. Tabbybug, sir, what do you think my costume for Halloween will be, because I still have not decided on one.”
This made old Tabby raise his mystical eyebrows, shift the white smoke around with one long bony finger, and remain silent for a long while until he responded to my question:
“Tabbybug does not know about this Halloween you talk about. He has just been recently appointed to the Zodiac board and the other divine figures have not informed him of anything, choosing to not quite accept him as part of their historical group because they think he’s some sort of unneeded wheel. Tabbybug wishes he could answer your demanding question but the Zodiac does not allow him access to such small mattered details until he have proven himself worthy enough.”
“Oh, I see…sorry, Mr. Tabbybug, sir, I did not know. I guess I’ll find out for myself. But I have just one more question to ask you – how much are you getting paid for this job?”
This question caused Tabby to look even more confused. “Paid? Paid? You think Tabbybug is getting paid for this job! Zodiac guardians do not get paid! They are divine figurative beings who have no use for such trivial stuff. But on the other hand, those bastards could have at least given friendly Tabby a better place to fortune tell than someone’s old wine cellar! Everyone else gets cloud palaces for Orion’s sake!”
And with that, he knocked the sphere off the table and stormed off into the shadows with a whoosh of his cloak. My first meeting with my horoscope master was over.