Thinking Deeper

Is an orange just an orange? Is your red the same as my red? Is this universe the only universe or are there multiple ones out there?

I love to be a deep thinker. It helps with problem solving and finding meaning to life’s bigger questions. Sometimes living on the surface is not enough. To be a shallow thinker is to put blinders on and only see what is in front of you. My vision for the future is more clearer when I allow myself to pave the road in my head.

We all have to think deeper from time to time. Scratching the surface is bound to only get you so far in the game. Look beyond your borders. Look beyond what you perceive to be correct and try to change it up a bit. You say you are bored because you are not looking hard enough for things that stimulate your interests. You are bored because you are only used to doing the things within your comfort zone.

There has to be more to life than just what is in front of us. There has to be more than just a life and death story. We are all here for a reason. We all want to leave a lasting mark on the world. What’s the point of living if you have no purpose?

Life is not fair, this I know. I don’t come from a wealthy family. We are trying are best to get by and survive. I don’t mind living such a simple life because that is what I’ve been used to for a long time. I don’t mind having to have a needle inserted into my arm two times a week in order to support myself and be financially independent.I’ll get an actual job eventually.

Becoming a good writer has its challenges. Coming up with something to write about all the time, something good, is difficult. Staying interested in writing has been hard. In order to get and stay motivated, I must have a bit of anger and drive in me. At this moment, that is not existing.

I watched the Republican National Convention. I try to really care about what is going on but right now it is only about 80%. I don’t support Donald Trump and I don’t really want Hillary Clinton for President. I guess it’s what will happen in the end.


Price We Pay


There’s something out there

It is teeming with amazement

And the price we pay for our sins

As sweet as a warm spring day


Sliding into Writing Mode

Meditate, meditate

Rest your brain

Slow down and let the waves rush

Slow down and let the air rush

Forget everything else

All of the excitement and chaos

Just write

And be free and easy

Don’t let the walls cave in

For the walls are all gone


I feel that settling down to write after being pumped with excitement and sheer anxiety all day requires some disciplinary action. It requires washing away all of the distractions, the dirt, and focusing on the blank slate in front of you. There are a number of gears I have to shift in order to get into a comfortable writing mode. With YouTube on my mind and my video making bug getting clingier, I have to mind the balance between the two, but needless to say that the former is by no means a success at this point.

Chasing A Dream

If you’re like most of us, you need to earn money by working for a living. Describe your ultimate job. If you’re in your dream job, tell us all about it — what is it that you love? What fulfills you? If you’re not in your dream job, describe for us what your ultimate job would be.

My ultimate job would be making videos on YouTube and earning money off of them, enough to make a good living. I have been making videos for sometime now (since 2009 when I was in my senior year) but have never made any significant amount of cash, about a dollar most likely, and have never gotten into any sort of rhythm, It has always been a passion of mine but I never really harnessed it. The thrill of putting a video together in my editing software (currently Corel VideoStudio X8) is intoxicating. I get into a creative zone and end up blocking everything and everyone else out. There are always new ideas for me to explore, even if previous ones did nothing with my viewers. My skills keep on improving each time. Before I started this blog, I was really into making videos but now that this is a priority, I can’t spend too much time on them.

YouTube just turned 11 years old yesterday and the site just keep on growing exponentially. There’s no telling where it will be in the next four years, when the 15th anniversary is held, but I boldly predict that it will be on the level of television eventually. I don’t always watch videos on YouTube but when I do…I end up spending an entire night going on an epic video journey (he is the Most Interesting Man In the World).

I’m not saying this will likely be all I do for a living because I’d definitely need another job to make enough money. I currently give plasma two times a week now, a tedious and annoying process, and being able to find something to replace it would be great.

Writing is definitely a passion of mine as well and I would love to get a full time job on some website writing articles, whatever topic they may be about. Writing (and reading) has a way of making me feel rather comfortable and content. It is a way to unwind from an eventful day or when I am stressed out. If I could somehow earn money from blogging (an even more difficult task than YouTube I suspect), I would really harness its full potential.

That quote I provided by Steve Jobs sums up my passion fairly well. I don’t want to spend my whole life trying to figure out what I want to be doing, wasting my time on something that is full of fruitless efforts. If Option A doesn’t pan out, then it be best to move to Option B, and perhaps C.

Am I A Writer? Or Pretender?

“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you. ~Ray Bradbury”

Writing is my way of escaping reality, the reality that I am just an ordinary average guy living at home who is unemployed and hasn’t dated in over five years. A way of escaping the reality that I just don’t have the pure comedic talent to punch myself out of a box. Writing is a way of relaying my thoughts and smoothing out the jumbled tangle of anger and resentment, that I don’t have access to the more finer things in life, that there is always going to be someone out there is just a little bit better and more successful, who boasts with arrogance and an all too personal attachment to their self. Writing basically makes me feel happy. Doing it everyday is like a fulfillment, every post another installment in the grand library that I am building. The first brick was laid a few years ago and now there is a structure and blueprint to go by. Sorry if I’m getting sentimental again.

I never intended to get drunk on writing but it just hit me one uneventful autumn day. I wanted to explore and dive into storytelling, wanted to learn about other people’s ideas and what inspires them. I wanted to get my story out there, of how I have struggled with always feeling like the second fiddle and never having a chance at anything. How I was always too shy to take the lead and preferred to stay in the background, letting the showrunners continue their dominance and increase of popularity. How being born into a family that is just a notch above being poor is quite a difficult thing because then there’s the self doubt, negative environment, and all-around ceiling of mediocrity that I want to break through. Having an online life outside of my present, plain Jane one gives me a new outlet and another way to develop some seriously juicy skills.

Let’s face it, I am a creative geek who loves to tinker and play around with the inner working of things – I produce but am always going back and changing things, continuing to design. You’ll always see me on my computer, writing blogs, editing pictures, playing games, checking email, or doing other NSFW acts. I have a need to explore my inner-self, to uncover the secret potential that has always been inside myself since I first realized I had a pulse of creativity at a young age. I drew my own superhero team and the worlds they lived in, featuring them in a trilogy of colorful short stories called “Space World” I created. They were really crudely drawn, yes, but it was the most exciting moment in my life.

The future of my writing days is being uncovered everyday. I want it to become a lifelong thing and be a natural part of me. I want to scale the highest peaks and accomplish some big goals. I want to believe in something bigger than myself. I want to look like the picture below when my dreams are finally met:

The Oxford dictionary’s 2015 word of the year, announced yesterday, is an emoji called “Face with Tears of Joy”. It beat out a slew of other potential candidates that would qualify more as words than this. The prestigious dictionary’s thoughts on choosing this were that is was the most used emoji during the year across social media. This is the first time I’ve seen a symbol be chosen to represent the entire English language and it makes me wonder what the future of our language is if a smiley face icon is chosen as a “word”, opening up the door to more absurd possibilities such as examples below:


It’s an impostor, I tell you, posing as the next great advancement in human communication. Let’s just hope it doesn’t find its way into the official dictionary anytime soon.

Can I really call myself a writer yet, if I haven’t published any books? In my own private world, yes. 180+ poems and 200 something longforms later is a reason.

I’m no imposter. I’m just a guy trying to find a crack in the cliff edge to hold onto, so I can continue my climb and not fall down.

I’m no imposter if I have a deep love for what I do. This is all from my own mind, all my spirit being unleashed. I love what I do when it just flows naturally from me and I don’t put so much pressure on myself. My confidence in creating this website only gets better with each passing as more followers enter the “Circle of Mac” and witness the inner working of my mind, all the gears turning, the real me coming out with every post. All I can say to you all is “Thank you for wanting to be my friend.”

In Response to the Daily Prompt: The Great Pretender

Are you full of confidence or have you ever suffered from Imposter Syndrome? Tell us all about it.

On A San Diego Beach…

The crystal ball will reveal itself

Tomorrow’s just your future yesterday. Your future is being written all the time; when you were six years old in a past present time, you probably wondered what your 25 year old self would be like in the future, and then that day comes and it is the present and you are still wondering about the future. The future never comes, we are merely walking toward it every minute of the day while still being tied to the present which is always becoming the past.

Some of the bricks to that always nearing future I’m building have already been put in place. I’ve been to college, four years of it shared between two schools, and graduated with an Associate degree which is better than no degree. I was going to go back, maybe get into culinary school to get some much needed training for restaurant jobs, but the thought seems to be slipping away and I haven’t even gotten my application in, let alone a dorm plan, by the time the new semester begins. Now I have student loans to pay back that are overdue and taking a hit to my credit score I had no idea existed until now. Great Lakes, the loan provider, expects me to pay them back, but I still haven’t even found a job and my modest amount of cash from plasma sure isn’t going to cut it.

I’ve started a blog/website and am continuing to work on it, developing some savvy writing skills and getting in touch with my inner self. I have found a way to exorcise my demons, a way to get rid of the doubts and find my true passion. I’ve found new and innovative ways to show off my creative skills, which can sometimes be a little misunderstood and rough around the edges.

I always knew I had a budding writing talent within but until now, there didn’t seem to be any viable career path for it. Sure, I was good at writing school essays and organizing my info into nice little paragraphs, but if anyone told me I’d be sitting here today writing down my personal thoughts and trying to tell a story, I’d say they were crazy. I would have thought it would be very boring and tedious, not to mention lonely because I’d most likely have no help since no one close to me would have any knowledge or interest in blog writing. Even I didn’t at first, trying my hand at YouTube before ending up here. Now fast forwarding a few years after high school and to this point in time has taught me that hobbies and interests sometimes like to develop overtime and will surprise you.

If I could go into the future like my heroes Marty McFly and Doc Brown, past their poorly predicted 2015, I would be curious to see how far I have gotten with blogging and if anything successful has come out of it, like a book or even a sitcom. I’d be very excited and surprised to see that gleaming Freshly Pressed badge displayed somewhere and telling me that what I have done has a real purpose to it, like putting a bow on a present, but as of now I keep those expectations way on the down low.

Of course, I wouldn’t want to see myself working at McDonald’s 30 years down the road which isn’t likely since they don’t usually hire anyone above the age of 30 or with any career goals, but if hard times fall on me and that is a crucial option, I’ll meet it with open arms.

I’d like to see if I’m married or not and where I am living. I’d hope my eventual high paying engineering job would get me a house in Florida or at least by a lake with a pontoon.

I’d like to finally have a driver’s license and be able to have the freedom of the road.

I’d like to be relaxing on a beach in California, having officially retired from whatever I have been doing for the last couple of decades.

I’d like to have become a world class writer and have a number of books published. I’d like to have my work featured on multiple websites and TV.

I’m more curious to see how technology will have progressed. What will the Internet look like? Will Google have finally taken over the entire web, dominating our lives in every way possible? How huge will YouTube have become by the time the 50th U.S. president is elected? Will PewDiePie still be on top, eventually having enough power to split off into his own rival video site, PewTube (not the church’s version) all of his “Bros” helping to finally take over the Internet?

It’s interesting to know what I and the world around me is going to become. All I can say now is that I’m happy I have a place to live and my parents who still love and care about me. When they are gone, I will be a little sad and might have difficulty adjusting to the sudden responsibility put on me and life’s downward spiral that would totally ensue, but I know I’d make it through because I have perseverance and a strong will. I could do with a little bit of humor everyday to keep me moving and there’s a lot of that to go around.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Six of One, Half a Dozen of the Other.”

Write a six-word story about what you think the future holds for you, and then expand on it in a post.

Share Your World – 2015 Week #42

Every week, Cee Neuner puts out a set of questions for bloggers to answer. These are usually simple, fun, and made to get to know each other and to get the writing juices flowing within us. I don’t always publish a Share Your World post, but here’s my latest one:

Are you usually late, early, or right on time? 

I like to say I’m an early bird, getting to class or work before almost everyone. During my brief internship at an engineering and design firm, I was always into the building and at my station before most people, many of the big wigs, would show up to work. I’d have a lot of time to get my computer booted up and get prepared for the day. During my primary school years, there was no dillydallying or talking in the halls and I always got into the classroom without any distractions. I’m not an early blogger though. My best ideas usually come sometime in the afternoon or in the evening when things are settled down. I try not to worry about the 12:00 midnight “deadline” too much, working at my own pace and putting down my best effort, but I always have a goal to publish at least one post everyday so there is a point where I start hurrying and panicking a bit – which in the end is really silly.

If you were or are a writer do you prefer writing short stories, poems or novels?

I don’t know if I can really call myself a writer since I’ve never gotten paid for writing
anything and just do this for my own pleasure, but my forte out of those three options has got to be poetry. I wouldn’t say I’m the best poet but I am pretty darn good at stringing rhymes and thoughtful phrases together and have been developing a style – for a while.

Where did you live at age ten?  Is it the same place or town you live now?

In a lovely modular home in the Parma countryside with a blacktop driveway and huge front and backyard. There were two tan sheds as well. Lots of cats. At age 11, my divorced mom, me, and my sisters moved out of there and into an old farmhouse in a city just outside Ann Arbor. Since then, I have lived in four different houses, all of varying qualities and degrees. I now live in a manufactured home park just off a rural road in the city I was born in.

Would you rather be able to fly or breathe under water?


I’ve always wanted to breathe underwater – and keep my eyes open. I would be Aquaman in this case, even though Superman is way cooler and more popular in the comic book universe. There is so much to see underwater, especially in the oceans, that I am fascinated about, a world that my eyes haven’t discovered yet, so being able to breathe underwater and explore without hindrance would be awesome. Flying would make me nauseous.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

The lovable Detroit Lions won their first game this week but Michigan lost a heartbreaker to Michigan State on a fumbled punt and touchdown return. I’m still glad the Wolverines played a great game and looked very much improved but feel sorry for the punter Blake O’Neill that got death threats against him. In an ironic twist, the head of alumni at Michigan State wrote an open letter to O’Neil on his blog, saying it was not O’Neill’s fault that Michigan lost the game and that “I would be proud to have you on our team.”.

In the upcoming week, I am looking forward to hopefully getting a Halloween costume together. I don’t know for sure what I want to be or if I’m going to go as anything, but a presidential runner with cream colored (or is it peach or sandy?) hair seems like a nice choice.

Y is for Year of the Goat

It’s the year of the goat for me
What does that mean?
I shouldn’t be wearing black, blue, or green
Of course, none of that matters,
Since I’m still here
I guess bad luck will have to find me next year

For more about the Year of the Goat, click the link.

April A to Z Challenge

R is for Really Bad/Really Good

There are two sides to life, the bad and the good, and I feel like I get a dose of both everyday and April has been no exception. The bad can be either totally unforgiving or help to give you an insight into what you should change or improve on, while the good can sometimes be a layer of false hope, like the frosting on a cake, and once it ends you are sent crashing down and there doesn’t seem to be a safety net to catch you.

First the really bad for me:


I feel like it’s been a fairly lousy  month of blogging for me since April is the worst month since September last year in terms of overall stats (visitors, views, likes, comments), and I only started blogging on the 16th of that month. I can, however, contribute the major drop in stats due to this A to Z challenge I have been participating in, since many of my followers are not taking part in this and I may have alienated them. I can say for certain that I have struggled with this challenge right from the get-go and I feel like I’ve wasted almost a whole month doing this since I never officially signed up for it in the first place and just started it on a whim. Not having an overall theme to go by also made things difficult and it’s basically been a mess, a runaway train that I have not been able to steer back onto the tracks. Hopefully May will be a whole lot better, since I’ll be back on my regular posting ways again (the Daily Prompt, yeah!). I guess I’ll just use April as yet another learning experience in my burgeoning blogging life – to never start anything without having prepared for it in advance.



My family took a short trip to the Motor City today to pick up tickets for a Tigers vs. Cubs game in June. Now, this little section of Detroit that includes Comerica Park and Ford Field is the lone bright spot of the city while the rest of it is basically a pitiful dump, an apocalyptic war zone. And it did not look so bad the last time we were there for a game in 2008. The city has gone to the dogs and it doesn’t look like they want it anymore either. The roads have all been torn up for construction and it only adds insult to injury when you don’t see a glimpse of greenery anywhere; it is literally a concrete jungle, or a concrete jungle that looks like a bomb has been dropped on it. Seriously, the place is utterly depressing and I can see why Detroit gets such a bad rep these days and why no one wants to live there (who would with the city being notorious for crime?). The mayor of Detroit should be ashamed for having the city get to the desolate state it’s in. This is an embarrassment not only for the people living there but also for the state of Michigan as well. For the first time today, I got to see more of the inner parts of the city as we drove through it to find a highway, and it just added to my assumption that this has to be the worst place to live in the United States. Graffiti, while highly artistic and imaginative, was all over the walls from one block of streets to the next and when we took a turn under a bridge on the left, it continued on alongside the most neglected parts of town. Even the entrance ramp to the expressway that led us out of this hell had big crater sized potholes, our car doing a couple skips and hops, hitting a bunch of bumps and divots before finally finding smooth ground. Detroit needs a major check up, stat!

My computer

First it was a couple of missing screws, then it was more and more frequent BSOD (blue screens of death) error messages popping up suddenly and mysteriously, restarting the computer right in the middle of something I was doing to my annoyance and frustration. Now the keyboard has gone dead in certain places like a paralyzed patient, forcing me to use my external roll up keyboard that is not very practical to say the least. I still have about one year left on my warranty and it is pretty much time to get my sick laptop to the doctor and get it the first class treatment it’s crying for now.

Now for the really good:

Casa Rodriguez Mexican restaurant


Other than Los Tres Amigos, this has got to be the best Mexican restaurant I’ve been to in Michigan. The steak fajita tacos I received which included dollops of guacamole, sourcream, and tomatoes were a meal that even looked good enough for a picture. The homemade chips and salsa served before also made me appreciate this little local eatery in Jackson. Sure, the waitress was a bit snobbish (we didn’t leave her a tip) but I can’t really complain that much when the food was grade A. I wasn’t really that fond of the wet burrito meal my dad got since it looked like a sick soupy mixture of grease and salsa, but oh well. A little humor was on the side as we saw a man at another table who looked like the frontman from ZZ Top, with a long beard and black shades on – I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a motorcycle parked outside.

That’s my April so far, how’s your’s been?

April A to Z Challenge

The Metaphorical Fog

I’ll fight my way through the darkness, finding the writer in me,

Pushing through that dense fog, vanquishing with brilliancy;

Recalling summer days, when I was brimming with potential,

And those cold winter nights, when all was uneventful

In mid-evening, I strolled along that sandy encrusted shoreline,

Heard the waves crash, the ship’s horn call in rhyme;

The beast in the distance, eyeing me with vague mystery,

Bare feet on a warm bed of proverbial hot tamales

Unable to see clearly for the light that shines on the bay,

This hark feat of nature, the thing that blocks my way;

Looking through the clouds, for thy shape that is great,

Struggling through well run dry, rolling the red tape

The great thing about writing, it’s either a half full or empty glass:

You either look to the future or stay stuck in troubled past

For much of it all, does not deal with cemented perfection;

This metaphorical fog, it’s always causing digression

I hear the seagulls cry, scattering along the endless beach,

My mind sinking in quicksand, striking with careful beats